Once I was a daughter to my father

It's been One Year and 10 months I suddenly lost my beloved father, One year and 10 months of Grief, one year and 10 months of putting myself together, one day after the other. It was traumatic, I've never cried as much, never hurt that much, it's been a long process. He was the joy in our lives, the anchor. I've learned a lot about myself and people in general after this. It was in the middle of a real storm, one I'd never expected, most powerful than I could've ever imagined, that I learned how strong and fragile I could be. One doesn't learn that until Darkness comes with no short notice.

I also learned who my real friends are, not that many, but priceless. Some stayed by my side, others revealed they weren't such good friends...
One doesn't remain the same after such loss. Life is, indeed, short... and it can end from one minute to the other. I'm learning to say "I love you" more often, to give my love more often to the ones who matter.

In the last year my ambitions have also changed, I want to be happy doing what I do, I want to be the best person I can be, honor the man my father was and everything he taught me.
I learned so much from him, he was a Genuine, Good, Unselfish, Loving Person. A Real Father, Husband, Son, Brother, Friend. A Great Man, with an amazing character , a man of his word. He was so Unique, died young... full of plans, full of life. The world is a sadder place without him.

I'll miss him til the end of my life.

Chained to a Memory

Makes no difference if we two are far apart dear

I could never ever love somebody new

Cause there isn't any room inside my heart dear

While I'm chained to a memory of you

I could never tell another I belong to them

All those whispered words of love would not be true

I could never tell another that I long for them

Cause I'm chained to a memory of you

Maybe time will wear the links away and then dear

They will break and set me free to love a new

But I'll never love someone else again dear

while I'm chained to a memory of you

If the world should end tomorrow I'd be satisfied

Cause you're gone and there is nothing I can do

All my dreams and precious hopes of yesterday have died

Yet I'm chained to a memory of you

Sometimes all I need is ...

Sometimes all I need is a gentle touch, a warm hug, a soft kiss..sometimes all I need is a comforting smile, a helping hand, a loving heart...Sometimes all I need is a presence, a feeling, a thought...Sometimes all I need is a smell, a taste, a sound...Sometimes all I need is to cry, to suffer, to die..Sometimes all I need is a chance, a light , a hope...

Tonight I just need to forget about everything I need...I just need to move on...

When words fill up my head

words are all what remains when everything else deserts me..Words are my soothing power when I'm devastated by fear and distraught with grief.I juste write...I want my fingers to speed across an empty slate filling it with passion,colours and figures..It is not madness , sadness or gladness that makes me write these things.. It is just some crazy thoughts that keep haunting me every night and there is no way to escape them, no way to ignore them...I just write..My life is not a particularly interesting one, my struggles not particularly unique. And yet, there is something here, something inside of me driving me forward...Only words will set me free...Only words will raise me up...I am still here and words are still flowing...I don't write because I mean anything..my words may seem lifeless, insipid, void, dull...I write because when i write I catch those lost moments of time..moments we missed to cherich...We don’t treasure those tiny moments of time where the only thing that should matter is that single blade of grass, or that lover's shy glance, or that wave breaking gently on the shore....I write because I am godless, naked and alone, tired and sad, frightened, terrible and thirsty...I am still pregnant with words..My labour and delivery shall come in due time...